Caffeine Induced Ramblings

Here I am at work, unable to work and my mind on an overdrive thinking about irrelevant things and protesting under the strain of being under slept and caffeine.  I look around my work place and I think about how I got here and how much I love my work.  I am in that satisfied contended zone where I love my life for the time being until something else comes along and disturbs the order of things.

I wonder about how I have changed and the emotional turmoil I have been through to come to this point where I somewhat know myself and what I want from life.  What makes me, me and what I want and what my priorities are! I am no longer that confused lost person who wouldn’t know what to do even if it was made as easy as baking a cupcake for me. It’s a good feeling this, being able to make quick decisions because I simply know what I want and what I don’t. Not giving a fuck about what others would think of me and trying to mould myself into someone I am not.

I like this process of constant changing and growing up and experiencing something new each day. I have been given my own space to grow and discover things on my own and I honestly have my husband to thank for this. I am glad he is there and gives me the support I want and need. Which reminds me I am glad he is coming to visit this winter, I can’t wait to see him again!

I remember growing up in a state of confusion, being the fat loner kid in my class who got bullied a lot by her teachers and classmate. It would be clichéd to say I was misunderstood but it was true. I hated my life and the only thing that DID make me happy was reading and I buried myself in my books and found my love for literature. Music came much later when I discovered how it affects me in a very good way.

I never knew I could fit somewhere and feel so belonged. I am glad I finally discovered what a nerd I was and especially when it is now very cool to be a nerd. 😀 I am that person who knows basically everyone and this has happened without me even realizing it. How in the world did I become this person? This self confident, social and extremely nerdy person? The only thing ever wrong with my life was the lack of people like me and now I have found them I can’t be thankful enough.

I have tapped into my love for reading and writing and paying attention to all the little details, all those things I have always been told I am good at. After suffering from years long writers’ block I can finally write and express myself through my love for writing and it’s the best feeling ever.

And I do think I should go back to work. He he.

Disclaimer:  This post is a confusing array of random thoughts that keep popping into my brain, excuse me and I am sorry if I don’t make any sense. :O 😀

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