Category Archives: Musings

Spreading Some Love

Just recently I watched an Indian movie by the name of Bhag Milka Bhag and from what I hear it has been banned in Pakistan for showing negativity against Pakistan. Now what I think is it should be shown in our country because it teaches us what we have ceased to listen to for so long. Tolerance against everyone different, however different they are.

I keep repeating this but we as Pakistanis have become very intolerant and judgy. We come to conclusions quickly about people different from us and that hatred goes through generations of our family handed down like genes. We have no right to judge someone for their cast, religion and sexual orientation. We tend to overlook the fact that we have flaws too, nobody is perfect. We never stop to think before committing crimes  in the name of religion, both physically and verbally.

Case in point is the targeting of minorities in Pakistan. I don’t know what kind of Pakistan these people want to have but it certainly wasn’t created to be this way. Just like it’s hard to believe that we had a thriving Jew community in Pakistan there soon will be time when we will be telling our kids or grandkids about how Pakistan had a thriving Shia, Christian, Parsi or Ahmadi community. Pakistan is losing one of its best assets yet, the melting pot of cultures. That’s what makes Pakistan because every province has its distinct culture and even religions but it’s being wiped away due to our intolerance for differences.

In Pakistani history books they always teach us about how during the partition and even pre partition Muslims were tortured and killed and discriminated against which led to us Muslims as a minority to make our own country and have freedom. Why can’t we extend the same courtesy to the minorities today? Why can’t we live and let live. We are taught about the bloody crimes that were done against people travelling to Pakistan during the partition in 1947 but forget to mention the crimes done by us to those travelling to India or during the 1971 war which led to the independence of East Pakistan as a separate country called Bangladesh? If one delves further into these incidents and stories, they are bloody and gruesome and not much better than what we accuse the Indians or the Bengalis of doing to us.

Crimes against women and gender discrimination is the most common issue we have been facing ever since the reinforcement of Pakistan as an Islamic state by our very own Zia Ul Haq. From what I have read and heard he basically set the stage for making every crime legal in the name of religion and sending us into dark ages from which we just might never recover. As a female in Pakistan despite of enjoying all the benefits of being a female we tend to be subjected to gender discrimination and not to mention treated as lowly species because religion states so. Our women in the rural areas  of Pakistan and FATA are mistreated and cases like Karo Kari and throwing acid on a woman to protect the family’s izat are very common. Women are paraded naked around the village just because they refused a marriage proposal or being raped to take revenge on the family and nothing is being done about it. Women here are mistreated by those who are supposed to protect them which saddens me to no end.

Then there are those who are just very different than us. They are normal human beings despite everything but we tend to overlook that in our haste to hate them. Those people are taunted and criticized and most of the time we don’t even know these people. I recently saw a video of a man being beaten to death for eating in public during Ramazan. Now did anyone stop to think why he wasn’t fasting before beating him up? He kept on repeating that he was sick and needed food and couldn’t fast because of it but our so called pseudo mulas had turned a deaf ear. Why can’t we as humans respect other people’s choices and live in harmony? A person can be an atheist or a homosexual but those are his choices and for all I know it’s none of our business to meddle is someone else’s affairs and teach them how to live or behave and what to believe in.

This might be the most haphazard post to read because I have had these thoughts for so long that it needed to come out and it did. All I see nowadays is cruelty towards people with differences and injustice and intolerance for those who don’t see it as we do. Life is too short for all the hatred and prejudices. Lets learn to love again and be more tolerant as a nation. 

Moments

Moments

Random remembered moments. — Typed out by Typewriter

Sounds

Sounds fascinate me. The gentle lapping of waves, sound of wood crackling due to a bonfire on a cold winter night, click clack of heels on a polished wooden floor, sound of the man beating his cans while walking down an empty street. All these sounds have a story to tell, always.

Lives

Yesterday I heard the saddening news about my friend’s father‘s death. He was shot to death while going back home from work. It got me to think about how cheap human lives have become. People get killed like it’s no big deal, taking their lives away in a matter of seconds like they don’t matter at all.

One can’t even start to imagine how it feels to lose a person so close and dear to you. One can sympathize or try to empathize but to lose someone like this is hard to imagine.  But those basic human emotions of feeling for human lives have become nonexistent, or maybe numb. People die every day, but it’s not your friend, husband, wife, sister, brother or parents. People live either ignorant lives or look the other way to all the pain, death and destruction.

It’s when someone you know dies, is when the reality hits you— they mattered. They meant something to someone and then you think about how a life has gotten so cheap that it can be taken away any second without remorse.  One can only wonder where and how the humanity got lost in the plethora of hatred and indifference.

2012, You Will Be Rembered Fondly

Try as I may I can’t sum up the year 2012 for me in words. I have tried to sit down and write a lot of times and ended up backspacing it all. This has been a good year. Love, life, friends, laughter, music, literature and those random bouts of photography all of it happened this year. I grew up a little more than any of the previous years.

2012 has its share of good and bad experiences with good being more than the bad ones. I started writing again is much more of an achievement this year than anything else. It was an intense rollercoaster ride of self discovery and figuring me out. Also the people I was surrounded with and the people I reconnected to had a great impact on me. I finally realized where I belonged.

Got to spend time with my husband twice and a constant reminder of how much I miss him when he is not here with me. I found the people who keep me sane with Taha being one of them.  Life has been great, so great that I had a hard time believing it was all true.

2012 was an unforgettable year and I don’t think I would want to go back and change anything at all. Not even the bad experiences and the most embarrassing moments. I just hope 2013 has much more to offer in terms of personal and social growth and much more of music, laughter, literature, good and enlightening experiences and awesome people to connect to.

Mixed Emotions – I

She seems to have a problem breathing when she thinks back to that day. It seems as if her heart will sink and she will be lost to the blissful oblivion of not having to hold on to reality.

———

“I am being ridiculous.” She thought while wiping away her tears. She looked at herself in the mirror and an involuntary smile of sadness came upon her face. Her face was red and swollen and a complete mess.

“How in the world did I lose control like this? I barely know him, I had set my eyes upon him just half an hour ago. How can I be this messed up?” She thought to herself and shook her head partially in disbelief and partially to clear her head. She splashed her face with water and closed her eyes and gathered herself back together. When she opened her eyes, her normal, sane self was back. She plastered a smile on her face and opened the door to step out and face the world once again.

As she walked down the corridor she kept her face down towards the floor, her mind in a confused mixture of thoughts and feelings. She glanced up involuntarily and froze. He was walking down the opposite end of the corridor towards her. At that instance he looked up and his eyes met hers. She forgot to breathe. As he passed by he offered her a smile, his eyes twinkling as he smiled.

Her entire system shut down in daze and helplessness. She kept her eyes on him watching his retreating back. Suddenly she remembered to breath and swallowed painfully. She realized she was holding on to her laptop a little too tightly and her lower lip hurting from all that unconscious biting from nervousness.

“Why is he affecting me this way?” She realized she wanted to know him. It was more of a need rather than a want but she didn’t know how to stop her speechlessness when he was around. He intimidated her, she forgot to breathe when he would look at her. How in the world was she supposed to go up to him and get to know him?

[to be continued]

Mixed Emotions

She came so close to saying it all, telling him how she feels.  It was wrong, so very wrong to be even feeling something for him but it oddly felt so right.

———

It was a very slow sleepy morning. The professor kept droning on and on about some topic they were supposed to be discussing that week.  She had dropped her pen on floor by accident and had just bent down from her seat to pick it up when she saw him walk in. Her eyes snapped open in wonder and curiosity, her sleep forgotten.

“So this is him.” she thought.  She had heard so much about him. He walked towards the person in charge to introduce himself,  all the while her eyes following and watching his each and every move. Then he smiled, the first time she saw him smile and the world stopped for her.  She felt numb and weak with shock for what she felt at that instance was so unreal, so intense…so alien.

“Hey listen do you have a pen? I can’t seem to find mine.”

She snapped back to reality and looked at the person responsible, it was her friend.

“Yeah sure!”

She picked up her bag and rummaged through it to find her pen and handed it to her. She was still in a daze, recovering from the aftershock all the while trying to understand what had just happened. She kept glancing back at him hoping for some epiphany to hit her and explain away the confusion but she was getting puzzled by the minute. Finally the call for lunch came and she grabbed her bag and laptop and made a run for it, trying to get back to her safe haven…and sanity. She needed to think and figure out a way to get back to her senses.

What has just happened? Why did I react this way to him? What was that I felt when he smiled? All these questions she desperately tried seeking answers to. …

[to be continued]

Of bombings, bans and keyboard jihadis

Pakistan saw a complete shutdown these last couple of days for Ashura. It’s citizens were home bound with no cellular network. It’s a thought that cannot be fathomed in this age of technology where cell phones have become a basic human necessity, but it happens only in Pakistan.

The reasons that have been given to us are to stop or rather put a dent into the terrorist planning and plotting until they figure out a way around it and go about their usual business. Making bombs, taking innocent human lives, the usual. Our government even had this incredulous idea of banning motorcycles from the roads. Makes one wonder how is banning motorcycles going to help anyone’s cause? Maybe the cases of women harassment and thefts might go down but not the bombing. Oh no, they always find another way.

The ultimate solution to terrorism in Pakistan is to ban things. I do admit it kind of worked and every one spent a peaceful weekend twiddling their thumbs in boredom or drooling over their laptops in an attempt to get some sleep while sitting on their asses the entire day to stay connected to their social life. But is it the permanent solution to all our problems? Would we be subjected to this every time a major religious holiday comes up?

The bombings and target killing in Karachi have escalated to a point where targeted victims are a body count on our news channels and bombings have stopped affecting our daily lives. We still go about our business, making money, hanging out with friends and doing what we do best. There was a time when a small gas explosion would sent the city into complete shut down for the entire next day and people would actually feel for the victims who died in a bomb blast. Now they are just casualties, who happened to be in the wrong place and at the wrong time.

Our news media is a totally different story. They find a certain satisfaction in showing us the view of all that blood and gore in complete detail. Either that or useless pieces of news with ridiculous and cheesy Indian songs to go with in the background. We have uncountable Pakistani news channels in every language possible and on every channel you will find a talk show host/journalist screaming their lungs out alongside a train of guests screaming their lungs out equally or sometimes more. One trying to watch these shows will fail to make sense of what they are saying or what their discussion was about initially because it always ends up as a battlefield with politicians taking out their frustration or personal vendetta onto the other Party’s representative or the host himself.

We always get bombarded with these remarks about how the citizens of this country are doing nothing or not stepping forward to end what is going on in this country. We do nothing about all these bombings and target killings. But the truth is this is how we can hope to make our voice be heard and try to make a difference as a citizen. Call us Keyboard Jihadis if you will but this is how a normal citizen can make himself/herself be heard, for our government and those so called terrorists to stop making a joke out of this country. It’s a plea.

Caffeine Induced Ramblings

Here I am at work, unable to work and my mind on an overdrive thinking about irrelevant things and protesting under the strain of being under slept and caffeine.  I look around my work place and I think about how I got here and how much I love my work.  I am in that satisfied contended zone where I love my life for the time being until something else comes along and disturbs the order of things.

I wonder about how I have changed and the emotional turmoil I have been through to come to this point where I somewhat know myself and what I want from life.  What makes me, me and what I want and what my priorities are! I am no longer that confused lost person who wouldn’t know what to do even if it was made as easy as baking a cupcake for me. It’s a good feeling this, being able to make quick decisions because I simply know what I want and what I don’t. Not giving a fuck about what others would think of me and trying to mould myself into someone I am not.

I like this process of constant changing and growing up and experiencing something new each day. I have been given my own space to grow and discover things on my own and I honestly have my husband to thank for this. I am glad he is there and gives me the support I want and need. Which reminds me I am glad he is coming to visit this winter, I can’t wait to see him again!

I remember growing up in a state of confusion, being the fat loner kid in my class who got bullied a lot by her teachers and classmate. It would be clichéd to say I was misunderstood but it was true. I hated my life and the only thing that DID make me happy was reading and I buried myself in my books and found my love for literature. Music came much later when I discovered how it affects me in a very good way.

I never knew I could fit somewhere and feel so belonged. I am glad I finally discovered what a nerd I was and especially when it is now very cool to be a nerd. 😀 I am that person who knows basically everyone and this has happened without me even realizing it. How in the world did I become this person? This self confident, social and extremely nerdy person? The only thing ever wrong with my life was the lack of people like me and now I have found them I can’t be thankful enough.

I have tapped into my love for reading and writing and paying attention to all the little details, all those things I have always been told I am good at. After suffering from years long writers’ block I can finally write and express myself through my love for writing and it’s the best feeling ever.

And I do think I should go back to work. He he.

Disclaimer:  This post is a confusing array of random thoughts that keep popping into my brain, excuse me and I am sorry if I don’t make any sense. :O 😀

Incomplete surprises

The corners of her mouth turned upwards. A promising sign. A smile full of sadness. Is he really mine?

She goes back to that moment. Replaying it again and again in her mind. How could this be? Was I really blind?

Struggling to bring back the calm. Holding on to the reigns of her common sense. She sees bright lights and smiling faces. Or is it just her with smudges on her lense?

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